tired

i go to bed every night
feeling exactly the same as i do when i wake up
i feel burdened, i feel lost
and very alone
i can’t seem to shake this feeling
of feeling so lonely
it weighs on my shoulders like an anvil
heavy and weighted
i’m frightened
and i’m scared
i don’t know where to go
or who to turn to in my hour of need
trying not to break down
trying not to let the tears spill out like waterfalls
i don’t want to feel the way i do.

i’m tired
every single inch of me is tired
a tired that i can’t make sense of, and it’s weighing me down.
i can’t shake off these feelings
of worthlessness and fear
a black cloud over my mind
never going away
making my head hurt
with things i can’t understand and explain
if i block them all out
it just makes me even more tired.

the words i’m tired are always there
replaying like a metaphor in my head
because i’m wondering of you
how you are
where you are and what you are doing
and even that makes me tired
when you are always
on my mind
because i don’t know where you are, i’m done holding a candle for you.

you never think straight when you’re tired
feeling so exhausted you can’t focus
i keep telling myself
things will get better
but now i’m starting to believe that things
will never get better
it seems pointless to me
because i’m tired
and i just want to go to sleep.
i’m tired
i’m tired
i’m tired
and i just want to go to sleep.

every day for me feels stupid
every day feels like a sad movie
bringing in more sad feelings
of blurry vision and selfishness
clouding over my eyes like cotton wool
it actually feels quite nice.
everything seems exhausting
everything seems tiring
i’m walking down
a street that feels never ending and continuous
i can hear my IPOD on repeat
playing no music
instead it plays depression and anxiety

anxiety and depression are my fears
weighing me down again like an anvil
but this anvil feels heavier
i feel scared by this weigh on my shoulders
i’m still frightened by it all
anxiety is my downfall
it’s trying to push its way in
but my door is locked.

i wish i could explain writing this poem better but it’s all running away from me when my pen touches the paper.
maybe because i’m thinking of you
i am tired.
i wish this feeling of feeling tired
would go away
but it will never go away
i know it won’t ever go away
it’s haunting me
it’s haunting every fibre of my being
i’m tired to my bones
i can’t stop these thoughts around me
and this migraine in my brain
i am done.

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Author: kateelizabethxoxo

Blogger and Writer

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