i still remember

everything that you said to me
replaying in my mind
like a jumpy record on repeat
how you said you’d
always stick around
was nothing but a lie
i’m fine
no, i’m not
this is not fine
this is not okay
i feel sick
sick to my insides
sick to my stomach
it’s like i am saying goodbye to you
but you’re still here
and you won’t leave me alone

the smell of your presence
is still here lingering
bothering
smothering me
holding on to me so tight that i almost feel choked
i almost forgot what breathing felt like
i fell short of breath
the first time you
spoke to me
my heart skipped a beat

you touched my hand and i felt the hairs on my arm stand on end
but inside you were nothing
you had nothing left in you
i don’t know you any more
i’m not with you
you never were
i’m hurt by that

i’m hurt that you leave me
crying on the kitchen floor
where you shouted at me non stop for an hour
your face contorted with rage
not knowing what i was supposed to have done to make you act like this
i’m not sure why
it’s turned out like it has
but it has
and it’s weighing me down
feeling a failure
in a broken relationship

i was like waking up
with someone else
in bed that wasn’t you
i’m clinging onto these sheets trying to make sense of this lonely feeling
of why
this bed is so lonely
i can’t understand it
i don’t understand it
it doesn’t even feel like home any more
it’s deserted and cold and uninviting
i’m not happy any more
because you’re not here

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Author: kateelizabethxoxo

Blogger and Writer

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